Archive for March, 2009

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being a bike-sexual

March 23, 2009

never heard of this term…even me too b4 i met this guy, Dev D……this weekend i was taken hostage to alibaug…and the reason… my friend was pretty depressed about being single again… no, i am not any pink shirt guy to date him.. he just wanted to spill it out…. and chose my shoulder for support as they got stronger n’ stronger by carrying my oversized skull wid a weightless brain hiding in it…

         we thought of rolling by six inda morning .. and got up at 6:30 and  started journey by 7…thts how we manage our time most of the times..but Dev decided to make up fo the lost time.. nxt moment speedometer of his bike was above 100K as if it was the minimum speed…we finished in abt couple of hrs… that was like a death match of Age of Empire …. with tea in one and the light in other hand, my frnd started with his Pravachan… on relationship, love and lust… had he been serious wid his pravachan stuff, he cud have   easily been another Religionaire (wealthy baba)…..pravachan covered everything, right from the day 1 when his girl watched him changing in a torn undies with big a hole (yeah.. the hole was so big that sometimes he used to get confused about where to put his foot), till they fell apart…

 i was struggling to suck fresh air even on beach as his cigarette sex (lighting one wid another) continued…he detailed his story so much that i felt like watching amoeba wid naked eyes… my jaw dropped when i came to know that he actually dumped her.. just imagine, a guy like kadar khan dumping someone like katrina…. yeah,that true… unlike my frnd, she was very slim, sexy and beautyful .. but dumb too.. otherwise she wud have chosen me over him (i aint mean to say i look like Salman, but wid  some grooming i can manage to look like Chanky Pandey..not bad huh!!! imagine kadar khan!!) … he dumped her coz despite his several efforts she couldn’t ride a bike, she had speedofobia, and recently they fought over as my frnd used get aroused by juz looking at his naked bike than her…here u go…..thts wat is being a bike-sexual… from where did he develop this taste …cuz i nvr heard of bike-porn n nvr saw someone screwing the bike (unless u r a mechanic) … unbelievable to dump a gal over a bike, aint it?!!!… i wish every frnd of mine who snatched away my (gonna be) GFs, to be like him… BTW i got Rx100 with empty back seat… and i m straight too…lets C if i can dump my bike for the same cheek….

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slumdog glory….

March 16, 2009

          this weekend, i spent couple of hrs watching an Oscar winnng movie.. n that too Made in India-Mumbai-Dharavi….i felt it to be an awesome movie…. congrats to the ARR and Rasool Kutty for wining oscar, though very late..i refrained myself from commenting on ppl’s criticism till i watched it…
Slumdog Millionaire
                         recentely i came accross many article criticizing success of slumdog… those are refusing to appriciate the efforts of all indians involved, coz its not an Indian production… i feel pity of them for being narrow minded… when their sons work for Microsoft or even he is studying abroad, they will boast about that to every1… mera beta microsoft mein hain..mera beta US mein padhta hain… they take pride in it and enjoy his success.. but when somebody like Rasool, coming from a poolr family in a small village and making it big to the Oscars, they will search for reasons as not being an indian movie..  oscars given to ARR and Rasool are for their creative work in the movie..THEY ARE INDIANs, and its INDIA’s success in producing such a talent…let us not forget the achievement of Kalpana Chawla, Sunita Williams and many more indians who are working for firangis… even our political parties are trying to ride on the slumdog success to become Billionaire… congress has stolen its tune for the election too….. and its their success too… Danny Boyle would have been searching for slums for years, had they been putting taxpayer’s money for upliftment of society…

                      only scene i felt a bit offensive… when the boy is beaten up by an indian and offered money by an American saying “here is a bit of america”.. you can not judge the whole India or America looking at one incident and that too made by a firangi…though ground reality is not very different from this… but how much do we do to change this, than commenting on it..

                           the other debate is about ARR’s Jai HO track not being best of his tracks.. and i completely agree with this… ARR has directed so many awesome tracks .. right from Roja to gajini and delhi6.. i still feel Dil hain chotasa track(Roja).. is far better than Jai Ho. Jai Ho is not even hummable track, its a fast track directed on lines of western music which is appreciated by west, so they awarded it..big deal.. the movie is also excellent.. but only for the west.. coz we r habbitual of this filth….i feel it was his white skin that helped him to bag oscars.. coz Shwas movie was atleast 10 times better than this1… i felt like watching yet another madhur bhandarkar film….

nvr mind.. underlying truth is tht he has eight awards in his kitty… and thats not a child’s play… so here is my unbiased salute to the entire crew of slumdog….

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bura na mano!! holi hain….

March 12, 2009

          today morning, as i turned up to my office, security kept staring at my face and id card as if he was a tennis chair umpire, looking at both the ends… my face has shaded pink n` red  like a watermelon… i said Bura na mano!!! holi hain!!  yesterday i played rang panchami wid a bunch of humble and polite frnds. the moment i went downstairs, they asked me to remove all my accessories…specs, rings , purse and mobile(i was wondering how they spared my clothes!) … next moment they made me Hulk Hogan by  tearing Tshirt in two pieces… they soaked it in mud and then threw it on a tree… as i looked at that tree, those 25 X 2 Tshirt pieces hanging on the tree were looking like bats.. they lifted me, just to put me in a pit full of mud, colors, egg, aur na jaane usmein kya kya items the…and ofcourse a lot of stench … i did not resist cuz i knew the moment i do that they will feel themselves like Ranjit raping the heroins, so it was a quick one for me juz 15 mins, soak , wash, rinse and dry.. everything wid that mud… and then i was one of them… frnds kept coming in and SOP ( Standard Operating Process) was followed for each one of them… 3 hours of it and we were looking like slumdog guys… and offcourse there were Latikas toooo.. but we had different SOP for them… a pretty slow and decent one … holi is to show their true colors…n i kept saying Bura na mano!! Holi hain!!!

          after reading my first blog, one of the geek ( rather i shud say the 1 & only geek) from my college,  mailed me asking me to keep it short as longer ones are hard to keep up with (seriously i dunno what he meant by that:D, but i m sure he was talking abt blog and not my little frnd  ).. i am still figuring out whether he has done some plastic surgery on his brain, cuz for every subject he used not less than 2 bibles and in his words “we used to find even 50 pages notes, hard to keep up with!” neways bro, i m done wid this blog, juz for you and your valuable advise (though i cudn’t make it in 140 chars) … i know i m gonna get another mail on this too…the only thing  i can say is …
“bura na mano! holi hain!”

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i m on liquid diet….

March 9, 2009

Date : 9th March(monday)
Time : 9.00 am
Venue : mah workstation

               yes thats true, from past 2 days i m on a strict liquid diet….its monday morning n had loads of applications to look after…but my brain is still marinated in yesterday’s antiquity …it was a frnds party.. party for winning in two league matches and losing in semis.. there were 11 players in the match and 20 in the party…funny equation.. kay karnar फुकट, तिथे प्रकट … .. ther wz loads of music n dance…. the last timestamp i remember was 10:10.. n i was with my 4th Large… that peg itself resetted the counter…. after that i din look back..neither in front too…i kept rocking n dancing all night.. not on da dance floor but in my mind…. my frnds say फुकट ते पौष्टिक… no doubt they have turned my belly into a 15L pressure cooker…..(Every pressure cooker has a whistle, which blows hot steam. Just FYI. No comments on my vessel.)

           as usual I was late for the train….the ultimate mixer, juicer and massager of people…… .but lucky enough to find a 4th seat.. now thats a new concept for ppl outside Mumbai…here in Mumbai u can dream of everything…and actually have your dreams come true… but if u want some space in train/bus /house, u have to struggle for it…in a very very hard way… juz like I did, to actually fit half of my bottom into space not even size of my palm.. now that’s called wise use of scarce resources….i managed to push my other half by next station, the trick is to slide a millimeter every time train gives a jerk, and not looking in da eyes of ur neighbour or may be while looking  at the ceiling fan, humming any old song like TUTUTU TUTUTAARA.. any song which will piss him off and force him to look into other direction…or else ur guilt will eat away you, the moment u see him staring at u… neways i m on wid my Application..brb

P.T.O.

Date : unchanged
Time : 11.00 am
Venue : unchanged

               somehow have cleared my backlog of the weekend..managed to check on all of them… nah they aint any business application.. but yahoo, orkut, gtalk,4,5,6…….n… i chooose not to open them from home. not b’coz,I have any access policy at home, but then yeh sab Kachra ghar mein saaf karega toh office mein kya karega. in last couple of hrs i have bugged all my frnds simultaneously, till i remembered my conversation wid VJ…when he asked me abt my work, i said i m getting paid for doing nothing…the next suggestion he gave to blog out my fraustration, the way  he  is doing it after our grads..when i asked abt my problem wid lack of creativity..yeah thts true.. I AM NOT CREATIVE…but its not a manufacturing defect.. but its an IT effect… i don remember when i used all of the keyboard, it hardly matters even if its working or not.. as a developer u need to remember only ctrl+C and ctrl+V… and  sometimes ctrl+alt+del too, when ur program acts in weird way..neways i liked his suggestion (he was asking for some credit for it in this “ERA OF GLOBAL MELTDOWN AND CREDIT CRUNCH”. Have mercy my frnd, MAY GOD FORGIVE HIM, REST IN PEACE.).  it seems my blog will take away my frustration to the reader of it..(con)Science says, fraustration is neither created nor destroyed..it travels from one mind to another.. i wonder from where did it come in 1st place……so if u find it with u do write it back to me.. i have to kill another 3 hours post lunch… gotcha go.. now its lunch time…

 

dont P.T.O.